Super Smash Bros. for 3DS

I've been writing on this blog for over a year now and I'm sure that all 6 people who actually read it have been beginning to wonder when I was going to get around to reviewing a game about which people actually care. Well, today is that day, because this is my review of Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 3DS.

I have to admit, I am a veteran in the world of Super Smash Bros. I understand the game, and I understand that those who don't play competitively see the game differently than those who do. I am on the edge of both worlds, so I will try to see this game with no preference to either perspective. Instead, I will take you through a journey of what my Smash Bros. 3DS experience has been like for the last week.

Super Smash Bros. for 3DS is the first entry in the legendary Smash Bros. series to appear on a handheld, and if you ask me, it's a pretty fucking good idea partially because no one owns a Wii U right now, but mostly because Nintendo has spent the last year upgrading the 3DS via all sorts of hardware and software improvements from system updates to the release of new limited edition consoles BUT has completely forgotten to release any fucking games for the damn thing. I was looking forward to Smash Bros. on a handheld because of the convenience of being able to play anywhere I go. My parents still live in the same hometown I graduated High School in, but now I am in college and most of my friends live in different states than I do, so being able to not only bring the game back and forth from home to school but being able to bring the multiplayer experience anywhere I go was something I originally found to be extremely appealing, but not so much anymore because the online is complete and utter shit. Many, nay, all people who owned Super Smash Bros. Brawl agreed on two things: Final smashes were horse shit, and the online was embarrassing and irresponsible. 6 years later, we are still faced with the later issue. Out of my 20 attempts made JUST NOW to play a 1 on 1 online match against a random opponent also using the online features, want to guess how many of them were successful? 0. 0 times. I was kicked to the start screen before the match had even begun, with the furthest I ever got being gaining access to a training area which I can only guess comes right before a match- I wouldn't know, because I never got to play one.

My next thought was then "okay whatever". I'll just play some single player. The main excitement that comes with any new entry in the Smash Bros. series is the thrill of both unlocking and using new characters or old characters with new abilities, and in this department, Smash Bros. 3DS really excels. Out of the 49 characters, not even the 2 or 3 sets of clones feel exactly identical, with the exception of Pit and Dark Pit, which I let slide because I loved Kid Icarus: Uprising. However, with the multiplayer options being limited to local multiplayer, an issue I plan on discussing in just a hot second, the player is forced to experience the thrill of new characters by playing single player modes in the game. Classic mode is the main single player mode mostly because it is the only single player mode that can be used to unlock characters. Once you play classic mode with the appropriate characters, you'll unlock every hidden character, of which there are only like, 10, and once you have unlocked every hidden character, you'll want to try them out in more single player modes, once again because multiplayer is hardly an option. Classic mode, however, is not the most suitable testing grounds because, in it, you can't turn the items off, this only being a problem because of the fact that almost every single item in the game just kills you. Blue Shell, The Beetle from Skyward Sword, every Assist Trophy, the Smash Ball, almost every Pokemon, every Bomb-omb, Gooey Bomb, Exploding X bomb thing, every capsule which is ALWAYS a bomb in disguise, and a properly placed bumper all really don't do anything more than just kill you, which believe it or not, reduces the fun of actually becoming good with a character by about 1 fuckton.

So what else is there? There is no online, and classic mode isn't any fun, so what I decided to do was try out a bunch of characters by playing against level 9 CPUs in Smash mode with, of course, the items turned the fuck off. Playing against random CPUs with 3 stock as I attempt to beat the shit out of them with my favorite Nintendo characters of new and old is actually the most fun I get out of the game, but like everything else in it, I am beginning to see how short-lived this is going to be as something about the CPU's tendency to spam both counter-attacks and shield has me convinced that the AI isn't actually very good in the game. In fact, there have been an unacceptable amount of times where I decided that instead of fighting in the fighting game, I thought that it would be more fun to wait in a corner and see how long it would take the CPU to notice that I am preparing to kill it. In the end, the CPU struggled desperately to convince me that my hacking away at it with a sword was something it preferred for me not to do. Instead, the characters against whom I played seemed much more concerned about their health as mostly all they ever did was run around or jump a bit, as opposed to hitting me back, even on the highest difficulty setting.

And so finally, we reach the last selling point of this game, the local multiplayer. Traditionally, local Smash Bros. took place on the living room sofa with 13 of your closest friends and 1 kind of smelly friend who heard you got the newest flavor of Mountain Dew and invited himself over. You'd all gather around the TV for better or for worse and enjoyed the $50 dollar investment made by one friend as you played his game with his controllers on his console in his house. Now, in order for even the most casual collection of players to indulge in the joy of local Smash multiplayer on the 3DS, each participant must own not only the $40 game, but the $200 system. Now I admit, this shouldn't be a problem for children who plan on spending study hall trying to escape from a hard day at middle school with a round or two of Smash Bros, but I am in college, a place where people come to study and learn, not fuck around with video games all day like how I do. I do have a few friends on campus who own the game, but because those who don't play Smash Bros. understand that we no longer need a TV to play, we are often kicked out of common rooms and forced to squeeze 4 dudes into my small bedroom, which I dislike not because of the small size of my room, but because the small size of my bed ill-suited to seat 4 grown men in a fashion that can be described in a manner other than "really gay".

Despite all of my bitching, Smash Bros for 3DS is an excellent entry to the series. In fact, I'd say it's second best with Melee being the first best and Brawl being the worst. There are advantages to having it on a handheld, but I don't really think anyone would argue the fact that the game is supposed to be played on a console with 6 bowls of chips, 14 friends, and 2 girl friends who would prefer to be doing anything besides play video games all night. As an entry in the Smash series, Smash Bros. 3DS is impressive to say the least, but as a game, it just can't be considered as good as people want it to be. The online doesn't work, the single player options are limited unless you are a masochist or a completionist as the collectibles are nearly endless, and the salvageable modes in the game are only fun for a short while due to mediocre AI. If you have the game, I am SO excited to play with you next time we are all home and have the game on us, but if you were one of the more skeptical players who decided to wait and see if this game was going to be executed properly on the 3DS, I declare that you don't have to get it if you don't want to. It's not a "must-play" for the console.

**EDIT** I have friends at home and in other parts of the state who have assured me that my poor experience with the online in this game may be the fault of my school having bad internet service, and not because Nintendo likes online multiplayer as much as I like eating glass. Fine. They are probably right, although I have heard about other players and professional gaming companies complaining about having as much trouble as I had. If your online mode works, ignore what I had to say about my experience, and go play it because it is probably awesome. I, on the other hand, will sit here in my bedroom and whine on the internet like a normal Nintendo fan.

Sequels

I've been listening to a band called Autopilot Off recently. They fucking rock and they entered my life the same way some of my all time favorite bands did in the past. Goldfinger, System of a Down, Less Than Jake, Bodyjar, Cauterize, Crush 40, and Autopilot Off were all introduced to me via the video game. When ever I think about certain bands, such as the bands I listed above, sometimes I get brought back to the game that exposed me to that music. In which game did I really learn about Autopilot Off? SSX 3.

So I turned on SSX 3 again for the first time since the middle of the summer today because I wanted to listen to some Autopilot Off and maybe because it just snowed the other day and it was appropriate. After a whole bunch of racing and freestyle runs, I started thinking something rather treasonous:

SSX Tricky or SSX 3?

I think SSX 3 is a better game than SSX Tricky. There. I won't be clever and wait until the end of the whole fucking post before I come out and say it. I love both SSX Tricky and SSX 3, but I prefer SSX 3 over the former. The main question that I ask myself is the following: Why is it that SSX Tricky is the game that I find more people talking about when I feel that SSX 3 is a better game? Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to actually determine the answer to that question, but what I can do is compare the two games so you guys can decide for yourselves. SSX Tricky or SSX 3?

So here we go. The SSX series is a series of snowboarding racing games made by EA Big. There are several installments in the series, including 3 for the Nintendo Gamecube and at least 1 for the Wii (I don't claim to be an expert on Wii....yet). Based on the conversations I have with my friends both at home and at college (so you can tell I am getting a really wide range of people here), it would seem that SSX Tricky is the more popular game. For that reason, it must be the better game! SSX Tricky is an AMAZING game that kept my younger self entertained for weeks and weeks and weeks at a time, but I am not certain if it matches up with SSX 3, personally. I suppose I'll start off by discussing the features both games have in common.

SSX Tricky and SSX 3 both offer 2 main types of single and multiplayer player modes: Race and Showoff/Freestyle (Showoff  in Tricky and Freestyle in 3. They're the same thing.) Race mode has you blasting down huge snowy mountains as fast as you can in an attempt to get from the beginning of the course to the end of the course in less time than it takes your opponent. That's how a race works. Showoff/Freestyle is a mode where you basically have the entire course as your own personal skatepark. You start at the top of whatever course you want, and try to score as many points as you can by doing all sorts of different crazy tricks before you cross the finish line. Each game has several different courses to board on. Each game has an upgrading system where you will get to choose which of your rider's stats you wish to increase, and the abundance of these opportunities increases depending on how brutally you kick your opponent's ass during the race. There are many different boards with all different stats for you to unlock AND there are different clothing options for each character that are purely cosmetic.

So both games have the same basic formula. And I'm not kidding, like, they are pretty much the same idea. Same equation and formula. No risk taken from Tricky to 3. This presents us with a unique opportunity where we can just literally compare the two games track by track, move by move. It's not like comparing Super Smash Bros. Melee's Adventure Mode to Brawl's Subspace Emissary, where they are completely different but are forced to be compared. SSX Tricky and SSX 3 have so much in common that it is incredibly easy and natural feeling to compare the two. It is a case like Minute Maid lemonade vs. Country Time lemonade where we can just say "This is better because I like it more." So. Obviously the games aren't EXACTLY the same, they just function the same. They look different, feel different, and play differently despite their concepts being akin. So we only have a couple of different things to compare, and a side by side comparison would be most efficient.

Let's start with the characters. Pretty much the same characters give or take a few newbies added to SSX 3 from SSX Tricky. Personally, I feel that the updated graphics that come with a game being newer does wonders for the SSX 3 character roster. It looks better since it is the same art style, and because it is newer. Visual appeal goes to SSX 3. Also, IM SORRY, but as much as everyone loved the announcer (Rozell?) in Tricky, SSX 3 has a real soundtrack complete with the auto-synching feature. Which means like, if in these rock songs, normally, there is a quiet section, then that quiet section is going to be played while you're in a dark cave. Then once you come shooting out of that cave, the chorus of that song is going to slam through the TV speakers, and the best part of the song is going to be pumping through while you're high in the air about to land and shit all over your opponents. Like how music is in a cheesy summer-movie made in the 90s? That's what SSX 3 does. Sound goes to SSX 3 as well.

Courses. Perhaps the tracks in SSX Tricky are more memorable. Maybe this is the result of nostalgia or because I've spent more hours total playing Tricky when compared to 3. I do feel that there was less emphasis on the course designs in 3. They don't feel lazy, in fact, they really are awesome. But, like, for example, the name of each course in SSX Tricky is blown thrown the TV speakers every time you select one. In SSX 3, they are not. And because in SSX 3, you can technically access a majority of the courses from an open-world-ish hub, you may play many courses without even knowing their names. Perhaps what I am trying to avoid saying is that even though the courses in SSX 3 are really damn fun, they do all kind of look the same - just a bunch of snow and a bunch of ramps. Fun, but I mean, Tricky has Tokyo Megaplex on its side....courses go to Tricky.

Finally, with a 1 to 1 score, we have how the game feels. Tricky does an amazing job of incorporating the element of doing tricks with the controls that can feel button-mashy but work, into a game that is not necessarily always about doing tricks. Maybe you'll want to tone the showoff inside of you down while you're ripping through tougher courses in SSX Tricky. This is because in Tricky, accidentally performing tricks you never wanted to do happens often and can REALLY fuck you up. It is very easy to accidentally stop performing your front flips (for example) while you're upside down. So like, you're blasting through a course, and a surprise ramp pops up from out of no where. Because you didn't see the ramp until it was too late, you're still holding up on the control stick, because holding up on the control stick makes you accelerate when you're on the ground. BUT in the air, holding up makes you flip, kinda. So before you know it, you're upside down, you're in the air, and you're about to eat shit and once you do, it's over. Time to press Restart. SSX 3 completely fixed this problem. In SSX 3, you automatically complete your flips every time they are executed. It's like the bottom of your board is magnetized to the snow. It makes doing double front flips on flat ground possible, but who cares how unrealistic that is? If you're going to spam tricks all day during the race, you're going to lose anyway. The point is that SSX 3 has solved the one problem SSX Tricky had with its trick system- you pretty much automatically land them every time. You still have to avoid hitting trees and stuff, but there is no bullshit when doing the tricks; each one can be performed with confidence. With the installation of SSX 3, the SSX series has finally worked out every kink in the system that links doing tricks to going fast, and for that, SSX 3 takes the best-feeling trophy.

Looks like SSX 3 wins 2 to 1. Of course, this is all just my opinion. I cannot discredit the volunteer opinions of my friends - SSX Tricky MUST be an awesome game since so many people always want to play it when they see that it is in my library. I couldn't resist getting the sequel because I was curious, but perhaps some of you may join my side one day. SSX 3 I do believe is only 5 or so dollars on Amazon. Enjoy, and don't forget that whether it is in a game or in real life, yellow snow is piss. Don't eat it.